Hesitation

Weird. I was just about to send a message to someone, and so (unless memory fails me) I opened the message window like no problem. Then I accidentally moved away from that window when I discovered a new piece of (quite irrelevant as it turned out) data on the page from which I accessed the message window. Rather than send the message immediately, I decided to look outside my window at the trees and the sky and the clouds for a few minutes, to see if after that I still felt like it was appropriate to send the message. It felt like I should send it, and when I try I am no longer able to send that person messages. Even though I don't think that person could have known I was going to send a message. Well, that's what I think happened, and obviously I am not going to be so disrespectful of the wishes of the other person as to send the message now using some other avenue of communication, or try to use some subterfuge to communicate the message. I'm pretty sure I didn't accidentally send the message. And I think I opened up the message window once successfully, though I don't believe I can be totally sure of that, because the History feature in internet explorer only seems to keep the most current visit, maybe I was just imagining I opened the send message window once before? Oh, this was like a totally consequential message (I mean whether to send it or not), and I don't really know whether I sent it--I doubt this--, originally couldn't send it, or, what my memory suggests (though it would seem an inexplicable coincidence), that I originally could send it, but then a few minutes later, couldn't.

Saturday, I came down with some weird flu-like illness (mostly just fever, sore throat, and fatigue). I am just finishing getting over that now (Tuesday), but am still tired and listless and my throat is still somewhat sore. It was strange, because I hardly ever get sick. I try to eat hazelnuts every day, like an animal that buries hazelnuts (as is good for the tree) would tend to do, but except in the fall, they are hard to get, and to save time while my sister and her family was visiting, I postponed driving to the Whole Foods in Winston to get some more. I hardly ever allow myself to go a day without eating hazelnuts, but I went about two weeks without eating hardly any, and then--bam--while at South Carolina at my late grandparents' house after having promised to drive a rental truck my parents had largely filled with stuff to get here, I get horrible sick, more sick than in about ten years, with a fever at 8:55 pm Saturday of 102.6 degress (the peak reading) that for a few hours had been going up linearly .3 degrees (fahrenheit) per hour. I tell my parents and sister, forget Tylenol, I need hazelnuts. Eventually, my Mom, despite thinking me a little batty and after having given me almonds and pushing Tylenol, grudgingly agreed to look for hazelnuts, and found the one grocery store, Bi-Lo, where they had them. Upon starting the hazelnuts at 9:10pm, my fever quickly (102.2 by 10:35) started going down, more-or-less linearly, until it was 99.0 by 10:15 the next morning. With rest my fever was inconsequential enough that the next day I was able to drive back on time and help with the unpacking, though if I had rested more I probably would have gotten well sooner, and in fact my fever worsened a degree or so on Sunday with the stress. I should have believed more in myself and my theory about the importance to health of eating nuts (well, hazelnuts, since they are my favorite) a similar amount each day, and should have tried harder to get some when my larder from fall was in a good way toward having been consumed.