Monday, September 10, 2007

Love and gratitude distinct in their consequences

This morning I got to thinking how gratitude has differing obligations from love. There are girls in this world who have done me and humanity a service by teaching me about love—inspiring me to discover great truths I believe thitherto unknown by earthly creatures. I am very much grateful to them. In fact, I am more than grateful, I am obliged. Whenever someone does something so right to not only myself but to humanity as well, it would be wrong not to behave in a way so as to encourage such behavior quite generally. A higher justice demands that when it is in one’s power and province to reward someone for something kind and brave that she has done which greatly benefits not only you but the world at large, that one tries to do so. Accordingly, to such girls as have done such , I would always be more loving in emotion and attitude than my love suggests—it just would be wrong and inconsiderate of future humanity not to do so. A good man has something of an obligation to uphold the values that encourage girls (in all generations, present and future) to be less fearful and hesitant to behave toward a man in such a manner as to greatly benefit the greater good. How indebted I am for such girls having taken a chance on me, to the extent they did so more than typical! And yes, how indebted society is also, or at least they will be if they begin to take my discoveries seriously.

Oftentimes, unfortunately, stuff gets in the way that prevents relationships from occurring with girls when they ideally should happen. And the girls that inspire me are not the puritanical sort of girls, but those who allow their emotions more wildness. But as Locke says, “The greatest part of true knowledge lies in a distinct perception of things in themselves distinct. And some men give more clear light and knowledge by the bare distinct stating of a question, than others do by talking of it in gross, whole hours together.” In particular, often times a failure to possess a distinct perception of things in themselves distinct causes girls to view all the distinct varieties of wildness as being not distinct or fundamentally different one from another. A female might per chance come to view the innocent wildness of whatever emotion she had toward me when young as not being fundamentally different from the wild emotions characteristic of cocktail parties, bars and indeed the alcohol-lifestyle quite generally, and so I figure some of the inspiring girls who thankfully were especially likely to view the former set of emotions as innocuous may yet also view the latter sort of emotions as being the same sort of species of emotion, and thus come to view this latter species of emotions as innocuous. In short, it may well be that girls who loved me very well (compared with other girls) when they were younger, now don’t particularly love me at all—because they might adopt the standard drinking lifestyle, etc.. For indeed, it would be very difficult if not preposterous for me to imagine a female loving the drinking lifestyle and me at the same time, such a lifestyle being very contrary to my (obvious anti-addiction) sensibilities, as I would never pretend otherwise than to be the case. Rescuing someone from what she has come to want to be rescued from is one thing, but rescuing someone from something she doesn’t want to be rescued from is something altogether different; in particular the latter sort of rescue is typically a much more thankless and sacrificial task than the former. To the extent my concern for a girl stems mainly from love, I very well might be willing nevertheless to brave the humiliation, the shame, and the danger that she in her addicted state might try to inflict upon me, in order to make her feel the guilt that she can turn her life around with, if that appear the best chance of reform. Love is willing to sacrifice. But I doubt whether there is much point in sacrificing thus merely from obligation. If a girl (in her addicted state) does not want to be rescued and, more particularly, does not want to endure the shame and guilt such an attempt might cause in her, it seems doubtful to me that an effort on my part to inflict guilt upon her actually would by example encourage girls to be braver in loving and inspiring people like me. No, I find it difficult to imagine girls thinking, “Wow! If I drink and am wild quite generally, he will try to make me feel totally ashamed and guilty. Nowwww I see I feel like I should inspire him by letting myself go sexually wild when I’m about him.” Especially do I find it difficult to imagine girls thinking thus about a guy if the guy is even willing to make her feel ashamed when he doesn’t think it particularly likely he will succeed in his attempt at rescue. Much of the attraction girls have for good males really has to do with their being young (nymphetal philokalia); as females age, oftentimes the sexual attraction just isn’t enough anymore for her to want sex so much that there is much reason to think he can make her choose him over alcohol or whatever, even though you never know what’s possible.

So I guess my point is that if I am grateful to a woman because when she was a girl I became indebted to her, I would always be nicer to her (e.g., in bed, if she lets me in) than I would otherwise. In particular, just because she’s aged somewhat doesn’t mean I wouldn’t (sexually) want her and want her in a nice way. But on the other hand, if she gives evidence her lifestyle is screwed-up, and I don’t from my own nature love her extremely well, I’d probably just shrug my shoulders and forget about her, no matter if I’m obliged to her, I think because that would be my impression of what she as she’s become would want from me, namely, that which would give her the least occasion for guilt.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Seriously silly

After writing the next-to-last post, and before writing the last one, I almost was going to interrupt and write something about silliness and how that relates to the attractiveness of smiling not-sad girls, even though I prefer girls sad. There's a deal to this, and though I never got the details down smoothly, I could have perhaps thrashed out something interesting. But after having a more interesting extra idea about what I was going to originally write about anyway, I switched back to my original plan. Anyway, I have now made a poem about what I almost earlier wrote about in prose.

And to random people who haven't thought about me much, let me make clear that when my poem gets to "Incongruities/when not perverse/.../there is nothing really funny about them", please don't infer that I think perverse incongruities are funny.

Girls smile

The girls smile
The girl smiles
She looks right comely
Innocent as water

No mean reason
to be all serious
When there is so much play
to be had
and fun
beyond your imagination

la la-la-la
She splashes her friends aaanndd
her friend splashes her back
They laugh.

They could have had me take them right there
If no one lived in this town
who might know about it.
You like play.
I know you do.

Her friend twirls about
On one toe
like a ballerina
Only easier on her toes—
she’s in the water.
Every side of her prettiousness...

Come on,
this is boring
she tells her friend.
They get up,
lay down for an expected while,
not quite as jolly as they were,
Because I’m not.

Long time ago,
I should have done this.
Made realize girls I wanted them sad
to give them sexual pleasure
and not just because,
I don’t know,
that appeared the holy thing for them to be.
Let me look at these girls pointedly.
I rebuke you not,
ye darling so sexy most prettious lasses
for your smiles so seductive and meet,
I just want you sad
to give you more pleasure in bed,
that’s all;
I am sad
because sexually
I love you,
and not because
you don’t please me
or because I’m not glad to have had this occasion
of delight
and beauty.
You do not need to seduce me:
my willingness is total,
even if my opportunity isn’t quite.

Most guys,
I’m afraid it’s true,
need to be seduced,
or at least that’s about all that explains
why girls so smiling
so pretty are,
when I don’t want them that way.

Sexual pleasure
Men are afraid of having it
to the extent
and vastness
that it is possible
for fucking to give them.
Girls try to correct man’s error,
which is however not an error in me.

Loosen up a little,
have some fun,
there every action does suggest
fear of rebuke
for pleasure sought
from men who value
pleasure naught.
Or at least,
so the men themselves have been taught,
of themselves,
that pleasure had by fucking girls
is not
or anything a wise man
would pursue

But wise men good,
they love themselves,
they do,
even if also
they love others too.

Do not assume,
little girl,
that people
smile just
when they are having fun,
and that when they don’t,
they can’t enjoy themselves.
It’s what they teach on Sesame Street,
I know,
but it’s wrong.
You’re right,
I’d have to be a twit
not to enjoy the moments with you,
but it’s not relevant,
because I do.
Just because 99% of men
who look upon thee serious
are gruff
to the extent they aren’t happy
at what you are about
doesn’t mean I am gruff
for the same reason.
I am gruff
not because I refuse to be pleased,
but because I want to please you more
and can better do so
when you empathize with my desire
to give you greater sexual pleasure
than I could give
I have a reputation to withhold,
or at least one day I might.

It is true, though,
there’s something else involved, too,
why a laugh,
could bring smiles
when there is no particular reason
for it to.

when not perverse
(and truly, there be not many incongruities that actually are),
there is nothing really funny about them
even though they make us laugh:
ha (statememt)
in my silly logic
is tautologically equivalent
to the meet (logical and)
of statement and silly (statement).
The truth value of the ha operator applied to a statement
is silly precisely when the statement be silly.
Otherwise, its truth value is false.
One can prove things about “ha” just like one can prove things about other logical operators.
One can be serious about silly,
and still appreciate silly,
silly only the same thing as funny
when fear of silly
not only makes you a pedant,
keeps you from having fun
with girls.
Irrational denominator
irrational bottom of fraction
irrational bottom
dirty bottom
bad bottom;
the pedant equation of equivocation,
and the equation
justifying certain excesses in the tyrannical
homework graders wanting uniformly formatted answers.
I have proven that “ha” is idempotent: that ha squared be equal to ha,
that ha-ha means the same as ha.
So why can I imagine her saying ha again and again and again and again?
Perhaps there be more truth values than three.
Maybe investigators in the future
can make logic mooorrrreeeore silly,
maybe some year I’ll do it myself.
I’m not saying I have figured out laughter,
not that I’m anywhere close,
just that I’m beginning to have more of a precise understanding about it than typical.
I want you silly to the extent it makes you
less constrained,
more easy in thought
and feeling.
I want you silly,
it’s just I want us to be serious annnnd silly.
Serious about silliness
as about everything else.
It’s not that jokes are funny,
it’s that not not laughing destroys fun,
and so not understanding silliness destroys fun,
because then one doesn’t laugh as much,
so jokes are only funny to the extent they inform
about silliness.
I am not the genius yet to understand laughter,
maybe I’ll never be,
but if I were,
(which admittedly isn’t possible if there is no upper limit on how silly mathematical logic should be)
I figure I would not find jokes funny.
It is said good comedians don’t laugh at their own jokes.
But I don’t know, I can’t
particularly think of any
error in laughter,
nor any excess fear of the silly,
that would keep me
from letting sex with girls
be as fun as it should be.
So maybe I have fun when I laugh just because that’s what people do,
and I do what people do insanely because
I don’t really understand sufficiently precisely how to deal exactly with the incongruous.
I understand
I don’t want to really smile when I laugh.
Smiling is impious,
especially wrong with the girl I probably most love,
who is so beautiful silly.