Sunday, August 05, 2007

Society and young female sexuality, part I

I started writing this a few weeks ago. I shall not have occasion over the next week-and-a-half to do much if any work work finishing it, so I figure I might as well post what I've written so far, now.

The forces encouraging people to think ill of young female sexuality.
First, we must understand the forces encouraging people to think ill of female sexuality in general. Males tend to have more opportunity than females to procreate without having to care for the offspring produced. In many species, the only part the father plays in the lives of his children is in the sex that helped produce them. Humans are not that way generally, but still, it is more normal and natural for a father to create a child he has no intention of caring for than it is for a mother to do so. Accordingly, if a male loves a female very well, it is generally unselfish and good of him to spend time caring for her and their offspring instead of chasing females to fuck (by which I mean neither more nor less than sex entailing no caring responsibility). Caring benefits both himself and his mate, while effort spent trying to fuck benefits mainly just himself. Rightly, most people see that the pleasure males take from caring for their children tends to be a more unselfish pleasure in the male than the pleasure males take from fucking. But what most people don’t seem to see, is that since this unselfishness is unselfish because it benefits beloved females, the situation is exactly the opposite from the female’s point of view. Exactly as it is more unselfish of a male to want caring pleasure than sexual pleasure, it is more unselfish of a female to want sexual pleasure than the pleasure of having a male care for her children. A male is unselfish largely to the extent marriage and his caring for his wife is more important than the pleasure of fucking. For the same reason, a female is unselfish largely to the extent the pleasure of fucking is more important to her than the pleasure of her mate caring for her. True, since if a girl is unselfish she has the advantage that unselfish males will more tend to love her, which especially might cause her to not need to fuck since someone she would be willing to fuck would marry her and care for her offspring produced by the same great sex anyway, still she is mostly unselfish because by nature she is more willing to fuck—to choose sexual pleasure over the comfy pleasure of gaining a grip on resources if she had to make the choice.

The reason sexual pleasure is in general derided in comparison with the pleasure of caring for children has to do with money more than anything. People with money naturally gain from an ethos which claims that it is better and more noble that consideration of money should determine sexual behavior. And people with money, having money, tend to have not only money but power also, and in particular the power to popularize the notion that money and the caring it affords is so important that a female shouldn’t have sex unless she can get it from her mate. Rich males tend to try to encourage females to more have sex with rich males; it’s in their own selfish interest to do so. But to say that male sexism is what derides female sexuality is rather sloppy. Indeed, it is selfish females, having a selfish need to deride fucking, who are probably most responsible for deriding female sexuality, and more particularly, female sexual pleasure. But in a way, a particular set of males, namely rich males, are in fact in some sense to blame for the ethos against female sexual pleasure. Were it not for them, the selfish interests of selfish males and selfish females would tend to cancel each other out, and that is the sense in which male sexism could (with more sloppiness than is appropriate) be blamed for the ethos against female sexual pleasure.

That money is associated with deriding sexual pleasure is suggested by considering societies where males can have many wives. Being able to buy many wives makes it even more selfish for rich males to deride female sexual pleasure, and so one gets the extreme derision of female sexual pleasure that one sees in some Islamic polygamous cultures, for example, which allow multiple wives but disallow husbands to fuck (or what amounts to almost the same thing, executes the females caught expressing interest in getting fucked). In the west a rich husband if really sexually desirable, not being much allowed to easily buy other females or to try hard to fuck them, may occasionally still value significantly his ability to fuck them, which fucking sometimes can happen without much of the effort that would be the main loss to his wife. Well, the main loss if he hasn’t been brainwashed enough to think that if he has loving, sexually unselfish feelings for girls he fucks or wants to fuck that those feelings hurt his wife or are some sign of infidelity or of dishonestly giving the girl the wrong impression about his lack of caring feelings for her. A wife tends to suffer from her husband having unloving unholy sexual feelings, and so if a wife may have sex in the next few months with her husband, she won’t want him to have such unloving feelings for other females, just as she won’t want him to have such feelings for herself.

Anyway, much of the widespread contempt for young female sexuality is a consequence of the somewhat less widespread contempt for female sexuality (more precisely, female sexual pleasure and lust) in general. Especially because, assuming an especially worthy mate, young females tend to be more lustful and to have greater capacity to experience sexual pleasure than older females. But mostly it is young female sexuality that people think is bad, especially if it is directed to older males. I wish to demonstrate the particular reasons that encourage the contempt with which their sexual desires are held by the majority.

Part of the problem occurs because young females are more allowed to have sexual or romantic relationships with boys than men. There are at least two basic ways a male can try to sexually attract a female. On the one hand, he can use his brains to (truthfully or otherwise) argue his case and make himself seem desirable. On the other hand, he can use addiction to addict his target into thinking himself more attractive than her natural feelings would indicate. This addictive phenomenon, though alcohol and addictive illicit drugs proper may be involved, typically mainly involves sodomy. Semen would appear to contain addictive and enslaving chemicals (e.g., enslaving chemicals that increase sensitivity to pain, making the torture of physical abuse more effective). These chemicals, when put into the digestive system via sodomy, addict or terrify the female into desiring sex. Young males are presumably just as addictive in their sodomizing than men are; what’s more, they may well be more physically fit and able to rape and forcibly sodomize victims than older males. People peak physically when they are young. But intellectually, people peak later, like in their fifties or even sixties (if they keep their minds exercised, are fairly cardiovascularly fit and don’t get Alzheimer’s). Intellectually, older males can compete very easily and effectively on an intellectual level with males of any age who seduce via depraved addiction. But boys who are rational and not depraved have a hard time competing with the addictive depravities inflicted on girls by their depraved peers. Boys just aren’t smart and wise enough yet to typically know how to do it. So since girls mainly just are allowed to have relationships with boys, they are especially vulnerable to disgusting addictions; the males competing with the disgusting males don’t tend to be wise and knowledgeable enough to effectively counter the seductions of their addicting peers. If society were such that girls mainly found it convenient to have sex with older males, virtuous males would not be intellectually handicapped in attracting them as they are now, by being forced to do so only when young. True, girls would be more exposed to more developed and cunning intellectual seductions, but since these seductions would be balanced by being more exposed to wiser counterarguments from the often virtuous men competing with the seductions, it is not at all clear that girls would in fact be tricked intellectually more often. What is absolutely clear is that because girls are more discouraged from having sexual relationships with older males than younger males, they are put at extreme risk of falling prey of becoming addicted to being sodomized, i.e., to becoming skanks.

Anyway, largely because what little sexuality allowed to young females is only allowed with males their own age, and partly because young females, being young, don't have as developed notions of their sexuality as older females, I will admit there are a fair number of young females who are in fact skanks. Of course, the depraved young males who profit by addicting young females to them via depravity naturally want people as a whole to think the behaviors they engage in are naturally what young females want. True, these depraved males don’t to a large extent directly deride skankiness, but by encouraging people to believe that young females are naturally skanky (so as to make the skankiness seem less unnatural and thus less worthy of being interfered with), in fact to the extent they are successful, they end up deriding young female sexuality among the masses, who still mostly tend to feel (rightly) that skankiness is not in fact something desirable in young ladies (or anyone else, for that matter).

But I don’t really want to give the impression that skankiness is something peculiar just to young females. Oh no. In fact, there are plenty of skanky older females, too. After all, the older a female is, the more time she has had to fall prey to depravity and embrace skank. But let’s not be too cynical. Oftentimes, a young women will realize that her life doesn’t appear to be going in the ideal direction. Maybe her screwed-up lifestyle is incompatible with becoming educated or making money. Or maybe her boyfriends are parasites bleeding her of money and interfering with education. Maybe when she was young she dreamed of a rocket scientist prince charming, and it is beginning to dawn on her that her boyfriend spends so much time chasing girls at bars that he probably won’t turn into anything near as respectable as that. Fine. She embraces change. And there are lots of men out there more than willing to help her embrace change. Oftentimes, though, the change they encourage is not the change they should encourage. After all, bad males rather like the idea of sodomizing their mates. True, a male doesn’t get the same ultra-addicting hold over a female from sodomizing her if he wasn’t the first to screw her up, but then there is an advantage in that it is much easier to talk a skank into skankiness than it is to talk an innocent female into trying such.

Let me be perfectly clear, however. The main reason older bad males tend to inflict their depravities on women rather than girls is not that they wouldn’t prefer to inflict their depravities upon girls, it’s because they can’t inflict their depravities upon girls. A girl who isn’t around older males won’t much have sex with older males, and if she is vulnerable to falling into depravity, will likely do so from a young male, anyway. And if a girl is allowed sexual freedom with older males, the virtuous males will so effectively compete with depraved males for her affection that depraved males won’t tend to bother. There is only one sort of bad male who will tend to go just for girls. That is the male so depraved and lacking of other attracting qualities that he must rely pretty much solely on sodomy in his seductions. He will tend to use forcible sodomy, torture (of the girls he forcibly sodomizes) and rape in his attempts to get females, and girls will tend to be preferable to him than women, since girls being comparatively unsophisticated and weak are more easily controlled by sodomy. But males that depraved and lacking of other virtues are rare. What is more, these rapacious molesters tend to be so stupid that they can’t communicate very coherently, much less make effective deceptions influencing society to encourage their behaviors. And what is yet still more, their behaviors are so hated, they mostly must hide their natures (and any pseudojustifications of their natures) so as to not make an intended victim or her protectors leery of them.

Anyhow, bad males who find it convenient to go after fallen women often find it convenient to account for a young woman’s mistakes by making young female sexuality a sort of red herring. They can’t after all blame skankiness since that is something they seek to further encourage. It strikes me there are two distinct approaches often employed by such men. On the one hand, a male can deride young female sexuality quite generally. Such a male might tell his young woman that basically “girls are stupid, and you had sex when you were a girl, that’s why your boyfriend was a jerk: you chose him when you were stupid, now you are wiser, wise enough to see you’d do better monetarily with me, so let me sodomize you instead.” This approach is what men tend to use when they feel they might feel the need in the future to not hide their desire to force their victim into fulfilling their selfish often depraved desires. It affords a convenient excuse for future controlling behavior. “No, I am sorry, the mistakes of your youth are still screwing you up, I must sodomize and beat you,” they might figure they might need to say in the future, so they really feel the need to make their victim’s youthful sexuality seem incredibly stupid and worthy of getting beat out of them. This is the more blameworthy of the two approaches commonly employed by depraved men when attempting to seduce fallen females, but it is not, I am inclined to think, the more common one nowadays, and thus in the aggregate probably does less harm. Mostly the modern seducer of fallen women is clever enough to take advantage of much of present society viewing depravity as basically no worse than just another piece of candy from the candy machine, and so he will be much more slick and hiding of his controlling tendencies. Compared with past societies, our present-day society is not at all anti-sodomy, and a cunning sodomizer takes advantage of that, by disassociating in the minds of his victims his sodomizing acts from the control that such acts tend to inflict. In fact, what he more than likely will try to do is to turn upside down his victim’s impression of his real desire to control her. He will attempt to control without even making her realize she is his insidiously obtained slave. To this end, he will make it seem that he thinks it immoral for males to control females, and more particularly, that her failures stemmed not from having become a skank, but from having had when young an unnatural willingness to become controlled arising from youthful weakness having been too weak to avoid cunning enslavement to some degree.

Young bad males, not being as intellectually clever, are not quite as talented in covering up their enslaving tendencies as bad older males are. But here is a point. It is hard to convince an innocent girl that screwed-up behavior is natural to her. But once a female has a long history of skankiness, she often wrongly comes to believe that maybe in fact she naturally likes skankiness more than she realized. Maybe she would have realized it earlier (she might figure) but for controlling tendencies of parents, etc., having warped her mind. Anyway, an older and somewhat more sophisticated depraved male can without a great deal of difficulty convince a fallen women that it is basically her own natural desire to want to be sodomized. In fact, when she feels ashamed of her disgusting behaviors, well, that is just wicked Christian fundamentalists or whatever trying to control her with shame by way of warping her from her natural wild dirt loving self in hopes she might convert her into a (tithing) regular church goer. “Sodomy is just an issue of gay rights, those who don’t think it American as apple pie are just bigots who have stereotypical understandings of masculinity,” they might say, if somehow the issue might come up. A desire to reform or a tendency to think something evil, they’ll make seem just a desire to control or force views on others, respectively. Notwithstanding the significance of sodomy is for control, and is in fact the most obnoxiously evil control employed by people in this world to any extent, these slick sodomizers will make out like they are actually better because they (supposedly) don’t want control. They won’t want to deride young female sexual feelings per se, in fact they are all for encouraging people to be true to feelings (sodomy, after all, works through feelings); they will instead assert that young females should be protected from being allowed to have sex because girls, being weaker, will almost willy-nilly be controlled. To be clear of the evil of their position, one must be clear how control relates to young female sexuality, and of the extent to which such control occurs and of the circumstances under which this control is bad.

Before getting into issues of control, it strikes me maybe my tone has sounded too misanthropic. Much of the error that exists in people is just that, namely error. So perhaps I should describe more clearly the common mistakes that basically good people make.

I agree with Locke that people don’t have innate ideas, but they do have natural tendencies. But it is not as though people have innate tendencies that continually motivate everything they do. For instance, when I am deciding to eat an orange, I am not tasting the orange because the orange is not in my mouth yet. So even when pleasure is not much removed from behavior, one can hardly say that an innate tendency directly motivates one to action. It is only because I understand that I can enjoy the taste of an orange by picking it up and putting it in my mouth that the orange tasting good would encourage me to eat it. And since I have come to understand that basically pleasure is associated with what is good for the survival of my genes, and more particularly, for the survival of myself, I won’t eat that orange if I have reason to think it might have too much toxic pesticide on it, even if the pesticide be undetectable to my senses. Indeed, I have abstracted from a long experience of examining my innate tendencies that I have innate tendencies of pleasure and pain that seem geared to my survival. And it seems beautiful to me that I should please myself when my doing so doesn’t make me feel bad about others, and so I abstract to think my survival is beautiful to me, unless I need to sacrifice my survival for the greater good, but I don’t thank that would be necessary or appropriate. So, even though lacking innate ideas, I can’t have the innate tendency to want to survive (the idea of survival being a very complicated concept), I yet have a tendency to want to survive that discourages me from eating quite possibly toxic substances—it is just not an innate tendency, but an abstracted one.

Anyway, people have innate sexual and romantic tendencies. But the greater part of a person’s sexual and romantic tendencies are presumably abstracted ones. They depend upon his understanding of his own natural tendencies and upon his understanding of the world in general. Take the tendencies of a male which lead him to want sex. If a male had never seen a female, he would be hard pressed to understand exactly what in the world he was feeling. He might, I don’t know, keep trying to masturbate in holes while writing poems about valleys, or maybe he would worship a tree with a hole in it, or who really knows how silly his understanding of his desires would be. It is only because he has had some acquaintance with females and the female form that he comes (rather quickly, usually) to understand that, yes, his sexual desires would seem to have to do with having sex with females. This understanding that shapes innate tendencies into abstracted ones is not automatic, and though in blatant cases it might be nearly universal that a particular abstracted tendency would follow from a particular collection of innate tendencies, often there is much occasion for differing understandings to produce differing abstracted tendencies. Now that we’re discussing how sexual fantasy influences understanding of sexual desire, and thus the desire itself, let us see exactly how understanding can affect people’s attitude toward the sexual fantasy that can familiarize one with his innate sexual tendencies.

Depravity, being addiction to sodomy, is very closely related to sexual desire. A depraved addiction to sodomy feels very much like sexual pleasure and love, apparently, which makes our emotions only too likely to confuse one with the other. Now, when a young person first comes to experience his sexual feelings and tendencies, he will observe, presumably, that masturbation (let this term include in its denotation sexual arousal that is not particularly orgasmic—i.e., tantric arousal as well as arousal that leads to orgasm) can be quite pleasant. If he sees masturbation as a kind of fantasy helpful in understanding a very complicated structure, namely the structure of his sexual tendencies and desires, then that he finds masturbation pleasant will not give him occasion for concern. But if his understanding suggests that sex is something simple and unworthy of much reflection—that all there is to sex is ejaculating in a female, say, then it will be all too easy for him to consider his strong tendency to masturbate as just some sort of depraved addiction, and further evidence that sexual tendencies in general and his own sexual tendencies in particular, are primitive and stupid. This belief will cause him to adopt a kind of severe attitude toward sexual fantasy—to view sexual pleasure as temptation—that will cause him usually to avoid thinking altogether about sex, which will prevent him from understanding that in fact his innate sexual tendencies are very intricate, reasonable, beautiful and deserving of his attention. Which is unfortunate, because the understanding that his sexual desires are not primitively stupid is the very reason he doesn’t explore them as much as he should. Many men I think are trapped in this Catch 22 situation. They don’t believe their innate sexual desires are intricate, beautiful and refined because they don’t take sexual fantasy and masturbation seriously, and they don’t explore their own innate sexual desires seriously, through calm reflected-upon sexual fantasy and masturbation, because they feel the desires are stupid—nay, worse than stupid, namely addictive.

There are in fact a good many groups that have a selfish interest which encourages males to think ill of sexual fantasy. On the one hand, you have religious groups that have a vested self-interest in encouraging the anti-Pelagianism that has characterized most Christianity since way back when. Religion is most properly for those too insecure of their own purity to feel confident otherwise than believing tested traditions. Screwed-up people, their own innate tendencies hidden amidst a flood of corrupting and deceptive experience, quite reasonably often just decide to fall back upon the standard dogma of their own cultural tradition, and to adopt traditional religion. Thus, a particularly effective way for a church to evangelize—to become larger, richer, and more powerful—is to excessively make people feel screwed-up. But it could be argued that the tendency for most ministers, etc., to be so anti-Pelagian at least partially has a less sinister cause. Because perhaps most of the churches that are soft on making innocuous tendencies seem sinful are only too willing to make vile wickedness seem “that’s ok”. In particular, a church that isn’t against depravity proper, i.e., sodomy, is mostly good for nothing except to dress up vile sodomy with tradition by way of making people feel less bad about it. It is only understandable that ministers looking at lax churches dressing up disgusting filth with tradition might get led by anger to excesses in the opposite direction.

And not all of the derision of male sexual tendencies comes from religions, either. For instance, there are certain dumb magazines and television shows that seem to pander to males with drinking problems that give the impression that men are merely simple brutish animals when it comes to sex. I suppose giving drunks the impression their drunken sexual tendencies are just normal male tendencies makes drunks feel better about themselves, which since drunks tend to think they deserve respect might make these magazines and shows more popular among drunks. Drunks might even feel better about themselves when they consider they prefer drinking to wanking, as is the preferred term for masturbation in these magazines and shows.

At any rate, the tendency for good males to feel bad about sexual fantasy is largely caused by their misunderstandings, but these misunderstandings are encouraged by people with selfish needs. This is a typical situation. Not all moral errors are asserted for selfish reasons—often errors are held by good people with good innate moral tendencies. But the moral errors which good (and bad) people hold are usually encouraged by bad people with a selfish interest in encouraging those errors.

And of course, then there are the men who (compared with other men) really do have simple primitive sexual tendencies. They naturally have a vested interest in making people in general think men have primitive sexual tendencies. Together with the panderers to drinking males, these males tend to cause people to think excessively that sex is mainly just for the sex, and not for procreation.

I remember thinking when I was in high school that maybe sex was mainly for some kind of expression or profound understanding, but with my present understanding, truly I can’t imagine desiring sex had for that. For instance, it honestly seems very incongruous and contrary to my desires to want sex involving birth control. How silly and pointless such sex would be! It is true that something very important that one can obtain from sex is expression and understanding, but it seems quite clear to me that the reason such expression and understanding occurs is that one is being true to one’s feelings. And my feelings for sex are for real sex, i.e., sex involving procreation, not fake sex. Once one sees the purpose of masturbation as being to fantasize about sex so that sex may be better and more beautiful, one is likely also to see that there should be a separation between fantasy and reality. How, if one masturbates on a female is the female to know whether the feelings expressed are real, or just fake? And how could one feel right about experimenting when fantasizing about something that turns out to be something one doesn’t really want would feel so disastrous, as it would feel if one is actually having sex? It is akin to writing a love letter. One is one’s normal mostly careless self when first writing draft, and it is full of lines crossed-out, impassioned sideways scribbling,, and in one’s normal fast poor handwriting, and so one files that away in the back of the closet and doesn’t show it until the courtship is long over. Having sex with a female to masturbate on is like sending a love letter that is a mistake-filled rough draft. Or it is like playing a computer game that is so real it is hard to be playful about it. As an adult with a mature understanding of myself, masturbating on a female, say, by having sex with birth control, would just seem no fun to me, as I imagine it would not seem fun to most males if they had more coherent less conflicted understandings of their sexual desires. But again, there is selfishness encouraging people to fail to realize what a little understanding of biology should make obvious, namely that sex is for reproduction. Selfish sodomizing males want females to experiment with sex, since females might be less hesitant to experiment with sex than to actually have children with a male, and yet experimenting with sex could be a very good justification for sodomizing a female, which of course tilts the experiment. Not that it isn’t appropriate to play with females about sex so as to better explore each other’s feelings, but kissing, etc., affords opportunity for that in a way that doesn’t so much resemble sex as to create the feeling that this activity is so much like sex it might be sex, and thus should not be a game. (Condoms don’t bother me the way that forms of birth control allowing absorption of semen do. One can’t do real sodomy and wear a condom simultaneously. But though I don’t think condoms should be illegal (as I am inclined to think the other forms of birth control should), I still think them stupid.

Another misconception males tend to possess concerns the purpose of holiness, and indeed emotional sexual love toward females in general. As I have explained elsewhere, the main significance of holiness is that its possession discourages genetic crossover during spermatogenesis. Looking back at my own past, I felt bad about my sexual desires because I knew I had non-holy sexual desires towards many sexy females. Somehow I seemed to identify holiness with cleanliness. But it is very important and appropriate that some males have unholy lust toward females. What especially makes for confusion is that the more a person is morally good, the more it is appropriate for him to be holy about everything, a state I call piety. People should be pious to the extent they think themselves better than others and thus deserving of more sex. Indeed, females and girls more especially get more pleasure from being fertilized by sperm containing little recent genetic crossover, and so being pious enables one to get sex more easily. And of course it is morally appropriate if you are a male who is morally better than others that you should get more sex. But males haven’t evolved to be pious in general, for though it is rewarding to any individual to be pious, it is not rewarding to the individual alleles that make a person up to universally encourage piety, since otherwise they would excessively tend to be stuck with the alleles (at other genes) that are linked on the same chromosome with them. Though they don’t need it every generation, genes need genetic crossover.

Anyway, I think there was in me as I imagine there might be in other good males another Catch 22. I didn’t think good of myself because a lack of piety made my sexual desires sometimes unholy, and the main reason I lacked as much piety as I possess now is that I didn’t think good of myself. Since of course when I loved a girl really greatly I had holy love for her, I for a while came to the conclusion that taking pleasure in having sex with girls one doesn’t want to marry is some sort of primitive vile emotion. I.e., I sort of believed there was a kind of war in me between the good holy part of me that felt sex should just be with a (well-loved) wife, but that also there was a bad unholy primitive part of me. But ultimately, I came to reject this explanation, because I was sensitive enough upon reflection to realize that the girls I really loved, the unselfish girls, more seemed to believe in free love than other girls. At first, I explained the difference by the consideration that girls could be greatly lustful and into sex in a beautiful way because it not being selfish for them to want fucking prevented them from evolving the primitive, selfish, fuck desires. It was not until 1991, that it occurred to me that the same reasons that caused unselfish males to view marriage as special would cause unselfish females to view fucking as special, and that symmetry and respect for unselfish females required me to consider fucking (in the clean sense) as being on the same par as marriage. I.e., a desire to fuck, like a desire to marry, tends to be selfish in the one sex and unselfish in the other. To view marriage as special because unselfish males would be expected to have more respect for it is basically just to be sexist, since one can equally as well argue that fucking is special because unselfish females would be expected to have more respect for it. This was such a sudden understanding that it created a deal of unrest in my mind, but I knew I was right, and after calming down have had a great deal of relief in my life in no longer feeling like a house divided against itself with temptation lurking all about and inside me. It is a great increase in sanity and freedom to not have emotions divided against themselves, and on the contrary to have innate tendencies that I can understand without having to throw some of them away.

I don’t know whether it happens with most males who excessively fall prey to the standard bias against fucking, but with me, it wasn’t so much that I felt badly of the girls and women who I couldn’t help lusting for, it was more I felt bad about myself for being unable to keep myself from having (not holy) sexual thoughts toward them. Still, I had tended, I think, on some level to view the lust as addictive. When people fall prey to sodomy, they usually hurt others more than themselves. Accordingly, when good people feel like doing things that are wrong, they tend to feel guilty. This is a noble tendency, especially in females, who more often fall prey to sodomy, hurting the males that they know justice and morality demands they should be having sex with instead of with the jerks who are sodomizing them. A good heart can go a long ways toward saving a girl should she fall. In clean people, guilt tends to be counterproductive (though we all have minor addictions to eating improperly, which I am not inclined to think ever go away, inasmuch as one can’t stop eating, and the more pure one’s eating habits become, the more probably the brain eases its anti-food addiction defenses to enable it to think better—I feel moderate guilt occasionally if I find myself eating bad). In ordinary circumstances, it doesn’t take guilt to stop a good person from doing wrong. A good person doesn’t like to do wrong, and if he sees that some error or whatever caused him to do something wrong, no problem, he just stops doing it because it is her nature not to do the wrong thing. And bad people do bad things because it is their nature to do bad things when they can selfishly profit thereby—guilt is irrelevant to them. I guess I on some level sensed girls would like sex better if I were pious, and so somehow I figured I must have some sort of addiction keeping me from being pious and thus from being especially nice.

Again, though the mistake I made was just an error, one can see that I had been influenced (though I hadn’t realized it) by people with selfish motives. For a false identification often made is that of purity with holiness. It is in fact very important that a male’s emotions about sex be pure and not involve anything reminiscent of sodomy or, more precisely, evocative of emotions that might increase sodomy chemicals in semen. For intraejaculate sperm selection can be a real phenomenon, and doubtless if sperm find themselves in a sea of wicked sodomy chemicals, intraejaculate sperm selection would be expected to select for genetic material that has sodomizing tendencies--a disaster. But this purity of thought is totally a different phenomenon from holiness, which has to do with discouraging genetic crossover in spermatogenesis. But one could see how selfish women, wanting to trick men into being holy for them, could encourage decent males into thinking lack of holiness be the same thing as impurity or wickedness of thought. Doing so might trick males who shouldn’t be holy toward them into having more holy thoughts.

The next mistake I made was somewhat in the opposite direction. I decided holiness was simply the emotion one had for a female one wants to marry, whereas unholiness was the emotion one had for a female one wants to fuck. Thus, upon encountering sexy females I felt I probably didn’t love enough to marry, it seemed natural I should lust for them. I guess I kind of figured lust was about communication. The female could see my lusting and thereby realize that I didn’t particularly want her in marriage. She would appreciate, I figured, my honesty and my not leading her on. So when I saw these pretty girls at a beach resort in Florida (one of the very few vacations my family ever went upon otherwise than for the purpose of visiting relatives), I was surprised that not long after lusting for a girl I felt I didn’t particularly love well enough to marry, lo, my feelings were filled with wondrous holiness and togetherness emotions I had assumed were just marriage emotions. It didn’t take me long (less than a week) to figure out what I now consider the truth, namely that holiness has to do with genetic crossover (and sexual togetherness “eternal love” emotion has to do with genetic crossover in gametes of female offspring). And that same trip I also figured out that sexual desire for females being young has to do with intraejaculate sperm selection. Truly, people are not born with innate sexual ideas that are their desires. People are born with innate sexual tendencies that they must explore by considering the opposite sex and that they must abstract from by understanding them, i.e., by determining the pattern in which they most seem to fit. A male can not understand his sexual desires without having occasion to consider females, and he can not understand his sexual desires without reflecting upon the innate desires elicited by those females and by deducing abstract desires from them in a process at once artistic and intellectual. I feel sorry for people who live in those countries in which females are covered with burkas, etc. There is nothing more special or beautiful in a good male than the refined feeling a beautiful female can elicit in him after reflecting with due consideration upon her beauteousness. What a shame it would be to not be able to explore those feelings until after marriage! And here in the Western world, I have great contempt for those would ban nude females/ females in skimpy bathing suits from television and the internet. We don’t need a world where males can’t easily explore their innate sexual desires. So what if some of the visual depictions of naked or almost naked females are dishonest or gross—the same can be said of verbal depictions of females in books, magazines, etc.

(to be cot'd.)

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